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Stonecutters Guild

  • Springfield
  • 6 upcoming events

Who controls the Springfield events scene? WE DO! WE DO!

An ancient and totally-not-secret society bringing exclusive entertainment to our members and the occasional worthy guest. We've kept the metric system down, made Steve Guttenberg a star, and rigged every Oscar night since 1957.

"Who keeps Atlantis off the maps? Who keeps the Martians under wraps? WE DO! WE DO!"

🔮 What We Control

  • 🎭 Exclusive Events - For members and Number 908 (Homer... unfortunately)
  • 🎵 Sacred Concerts - Songs in the key of mystery
  • 🥳 Private Parties - Robes optional, parchment required
  • 🏆 Award Ceremonies - We decide who wins everything

📜 Sacred Parchment required at door. No Chosen Ones allowed (we learned our lesson).

Who robs cavefish of their sight? Who rigs every Oscar night? WE DO! WE DO!

Today 🍺 "Beer Baron" Prohibition League Night 8:00 PM - 11:00 PM Barney's Bowl-A-Rama | Springfield From $18
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